


Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

by LoveofEscapism



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben Solo is a Writer, Character Death - Maz, Crylo for a Crylo, Drama & Romance, F/M, Happy Anniversary TWD, Mentions of Cancer, No Ruby/Jar Jar, Oral Sex, Paris (City), Rey Kanata is on a Journey of Self-discovery, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Sharing a Bed, Terminal Illnesses, emotional moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-01-15 14:47:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18501175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveofEscapism/pseuds/LoveofEscapism
Summary: “Okay, what if you do find them and they send you away?”“They won’t.”“How do you know that?” he asked, and for once he looked like he was genuinely curious to hear her answer. Which, if he wasn’t pissing her off so much, she would have answered much nicer than she did.“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m their daughter?” she said sarcastically, “They had a good reason for giving me up, you’ll see.”Rey is travelling the world to find her birth parents after her guardian Maz passes way. She was excited to rediscover herself and more importantly, where she came from. The only thing she wasn't excited about, was the fact that Ben Solo was tagging along for the journey, his pen and notebook in hand.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dalzo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalzo/gifts).



> To Mrs Binks, who is one of the most talented, beautiful and amazing writer/singer/friend/person I have spoken to. 
> 
> Sorry there is no Ruby/Jar Jar in here. I made the tag anyway...
> 
> Based on your prompt - _Rey goes on a long and expensive journey, travelling around the world to find her biological parents and Ben is the journalist who follows her around, writing about it. Angsty self-realisation fic about creating your own family and letting go of hopeful, unrealistic notions. Bonus for lots of tension between the two (ben's pessimism clashing with Rey as he tries to show her the truth w/her parents). AND COMFORT SMUT OR CUDDLES. I LOVE BOTH._
> 
> Massive thank you to my beta, who I will not name as it will give the game away.
> 
> Come on, Nancy Drew...come and find me.
> 
> Also, massive HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to The Writing Den. You have helped me so much and I am so thankful to be a part of it. Special shout out to the headmistresses for running it.
> 
> Please read the tags, this chapter is rather emotional with a flashback to a sick Maz.

**Chapter One**

 

This was supposed to be life-changing. Something Rey Kanata was excited about, hoping that when she came back from this trip it would be with her parents—her _real_ parents.

She gazed out of the window of the airplane, too high off the ground to actually make anything out beneath her. She could see the clouds; they always looked so much bigger when you were looking down at them instead of looking up. They reminded her of a dream she’d had as a child, where she would bounce between them, flipping back and forth as she jumped from one cloud to another. She distinctly remembered the feeling of being free, probably because she had never felt it since.  **  
**

There was an inkling of it now, floating through her chest as she felt the plane rumble as it soared through the sky. The sun was setting, the sky a beautiful pink color, bleeding at some points into a dark orange. It was stunning, and she was unable to look away. If this was how her trip was starting, with this gorgeous sight, then that was a good omen, wasn’t it? **  
**

Rey Kanata was going to find her birth parents and to say she was excited, that she was yearning to finally meet them, was the understatement of the century. She had ended up with her guardian Maz when she was six months old, never knowing the true story of why or what became of the people who brought her into this world.  **  
**

Maz never told her. She explained to her when she was younger that she was adopted, that she had a mother and father out there in the world, but they couldn’t be with her right now for reasons she couldn’t say. That they had done what was best for her, that they loved her.  **  
**

For the most part, Rey had always believed her, but sometimes, usually in the darkness of night, she would sit at her window, looking up to the moon and wondering if her parents were looking at it too, wherever they were in the world—she just wanted them to tell her that she wasn’t alone.  **  
**

Over the years, Maz mentioned her parents less and less, even trying to shut down the conversation whenever Rey brought it up, which she could admit, she did a lot. Rey loved Maz, and appreciated everything that she had done for her; she’d never wanted for anything and had been supported and loved. It could have been so much worse for her, she knew that, but still, the fact that her parents had given her up continued to sting. It still made her think she wasn’t enough. That there had been something wrong with her.  **  
**

Now, here she was, searching for them for the first time in her life. The circumstances that brought her to this point were quite simply, heartbreaking. The pain of losing Maz to cancer not six months before still throbbed with every step that she took. If Rey had felt alone knowing her parents had left her, then losing the only parental figure she had, had quickly thrown her into a pit of despair.

She still had friends, work colleagues, Maz’s friends… she still had people in her life, but none that filled the hole that Maz Kanata left behind. She hoped that meeting her parents would help fill it, would give her some sort of sweet relief from the crushing feeling of loneliness that seemed to follow her around like an inescapable dark cloud. **  
**

_Speaking of following around_ , she thought, and looked to her right to quickly glimpse the hulk of a man named Ben Solo sitting next to her. His headphones were in, his eyes already closed as he listened to his music. It was her cue to take a longer look, to try and figure this enigma of a man out.   **  
**

He was handsome—not in a way that made you do a double take, but there was just something so masculine, sexy… almost brutish about him that Rey had noticed since she was a young girl. He was Leia Organa’s son, and Leia had been one of Maz’s closest friends. She wouldn’t exactly say she grew up with Ben Solo, but he had always been there, sitting silently in the corner with his notepad, usually ignoring her. Which, had suited her more often that not, as Ben could be cold, rude… and sometimes she guessed, just as lonely as she was.  **  
**

It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, more that they _tolerated_ each other. They didn’t seem to agree on anything and it certainly wasn’t from lack of trying, on both sides. Rey had to give Ben some credit; he had tried to converse with her, many times…but it always ended in one of them saying the wrong thing and the other being completely dramatic about it. It was literally an never-ending cycle. And had nothing to do with the fact he was a walking, breathing, Adonis. _Really_ .  **  
**

She didn’t even want him here on this trip with her. It was supposed to be personal, an experience that would shape her and change her life forever. It wasn’t something that you brought your dead adoptive parent’s best friend’s son along for the ride. It just didn’t sound right, and it certainly didn’t feel right.  **  
**

Rey turned away from him, his face making her think things that she didn’t want to address as she looked out the window again, thinking about the last time she spoke with Maz and what she’d promised her… **  
**

 

* * *

 

  _It wasn’t fair. But then again, cancer never was. It was an unforgiving disease; leaving the victim as a former shadow of themselves, and when it truly took hold, there was no hope to be found, only despair, hurt and above all, suffering._

_When Maz has been diagnosed, Rey’s life had changed completely. The only family she has ever known had been given six months to live and she was crushed, depressed, feeling like she was sinking with nothing to keep her afloat. The feeling of helplessness chilled her to the core. There was nothing to be done, the doctors has no cure and Rey was struggling to accept the fact._ **  
**

_Even now, as she sat next to Maz in the hospital, her hand shaking, cold...thin, she couldn’t accept it. The fact she was losing the only family she had was too much. How could life be so cruel? To take one family away from her had been hard enough, and now this blow, it was too heavy to withstand._ **  
**

_“Child, do not look at me that way,” Maz said, her voice weak and lacking its usual sharp tone._ **  
**

_“Like what?” Rey replied, trying her hardest to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks._ **  
**

_“Like I’m already gone. Like this is going to defeat you. It’s not. I’m still here, for now. Enjoy it. Don’t look too hard to the future, enjoy the present.”_ **  
**

_Rey smiled—Maz had always been wise, full of advice that always turned out to be exactly what she needed to hear. She’d learned so much from her over the years, lessons that she would carry with her for the rest of her life._ **  
**

_“I don’t want you to die, I can’t do this alone,” Rey whimpered, her voice shaky._ **  
**

_She needed Maz. She needed a mother. She couldn’t imagine being capable of doing this alone, living without Maz’s support and care. Rey had made a lot of mistakes, taking wrong turns here and there, and had only gotten out because she had Maz to guide her. But without her, Rey didn’t even want to think about what would happen._ **  
**

_“My dear, you are not alone and you won’t be. I know it. You will find your place in this world, I promise you that. You changed my life, Rey. I never wanted kids, never thought it was on the horizon for me. And then, you. With your gorgeous little face and button nose. You gave me the life I had only dreamed of.”_ **  
**

_Even though Rey knew that Maz was in pain, she still looked happy, content, as she continued to smile at her. It would take a lot to break Maz, and the cancer spreading had almost achieved that, until she’d faced it. Of course, it was a losing battle, but one that she continued to fight and would be until her last breath. Rey admired her, loved her beyond words, and the pain of having to be without her was already eating away at her soul._ **  
**

_Maz had been a wonderful mother and Rey was thankful for the time she did get with her. For the summers they shared, camping at the lake a few towns over, sitting under the stars and talking about everything and anything. Rey distinctly remembered complaining constantly about sleeping outside with all the bugs flying around. But now, she would give anything to go back, to do it all over again—bugs and dirt included._ **  
**

_Hindsight was a funny thing, only fully understanding and appreciating a situation after it had happened. Rey had thought about it all a lot; how much we take for granted, how we don’t see the precious moments when they are happening until it’s too late. And now, sitting there next to the bed that Maz would never move from, Rey knew she would never get the chance to have a simple, normal day with her again._ **  
**

_“I can’t thank you enough, Maz…seriously, I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you,” Rey said sincerely. She thought about it sometimes; knowing that if Maz hadn’t taken her in, she would have ended up in the foster system, with god only knows what family._ **  
**

_“I don’t want to hear it, I would do it all over again. The times we shared, are the most special I have ever experienced.” She took a deep breath before speaking again. “I have something for you. Look in my top drawer, there, next to the bed.”_ **  
**

_Maz lifted her arm, weakly pointing to where she wanted Rey to look. It was clear it took her a lot of effort to do so and Rey quickly jumped up, walking around the bed and opening the top drawer of the bedside cabinet. There was a lone envelope sitting on the top of Maz’s clothes and she picked it up, noticing her name in small, messy handwriting, handwriting that she knew well._ **  
**

_“Open it,” Maz encouraged kindly, patting the bed for Rey to sit down next to her._

_Rey was confused, but did as Maz said, opening it carefully and pulling out a one way plane ticket…to Paris. She scrunched up her face, checking the details over again in case she had made a mistake._ **  
**

_“What is this?”_ **  
**

_“It’s the first step in finding your family.”_ **  
**

_Rey gulped, trying to dislodge the ball that now seemed to be stuck in her throat._ **  
**

_“My family? I’m sorry, what?”_ **  
**

_“Look, I’ve written you a letter that you will receive after my passing. Paris is the last I heard from your parents. I have left you everything, Rey. And I want you to use that money to find them. You think about them all the time, and I know I have not been great at providing you with answers.” Maz groaned as she shuffled into a more comfortable position in the bed, giving Rey a few seconds to process everything she was hearing. “Child, I don’t know what you will find and I am not going to pretend this is going to be easy. But I hope you get the answers you are seeking for, give you closure, if anything. And know, no matter what, that I will always be with you.”_

_Rey was crying now, the tears falling down her face as she gripped onto Maz’s hand again. She could never have expected this. She was now even more thankful for Maz and how caring she was, and even if she never found her parents, she was lucky she had had this wonderful lady in her life._ **  
**

_“I don’t know what to say, I can’t- I can’t quite believe it. Your life savings, the shop…everything. I can’t take this. I can’t.”_

_“You can and you will. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than seeing my daughter happy. You have been shielded from the truth for too long. And like me, you deserve to find peace.”_ **  
**

_Rey grabbed a tissue, wiping her nose and eyes so she could actually focus on Maz again. She looked down at the ticket, reading the destination all over again. She had never really travelled and most definitely had never been to Paris. Adrenaline started to pump through her body as she thought about the journey ahead; though it was bittersweet, because the one person she wanted to share it with wouldn’t be getting on that plane with her._

_“I wish you were going...I don’t know if I can do this alone.”_ **  
**

_“You won’t be alone, Rey.”_ **  
**

_“No, I know you will be with me...but I mean like, someone there to help me navigate, and like...survive,” she half-joked and Maz smiled in return._ **  
**

_“I am not talking about me. There is someone else going with you.”_

_Maz wasn’t looking her in the eye, and she knew that was a bad sign. That whatever Maz had cooked up would be something that Rey was less than happy with. She just couldn’t think of anyone that Maz would want Rey to bring along for this trip._ **  
**

_“What? Who?”_ **  
**

_“Ben Solo, of course,” Maz replied, like it was the most obvious thing ever._ **  
**

_Rey choked, her mind going a mile a minute as she stuttered, “Excuse me? Ben Solo? I don’t think so!”_ **  
**

_“I do think so. You are not travelling alone. I mean it, Rey. I spoke with Leia and Ben. He is still freelance writing and looking for his next piece. He said he would like to write about your reunion, that he will look out for you along the way.”_

_Rey really didn’t want to get upset with Maz, not now that she was so weak and close to death. But still, she was angry. The last person she wanted to come on this trip with her was Ben Solo, based on the fact he hardly spoke two words to her and also had a gigantic stick up his ass._ **  
**

_“You cannot be serious!”_ **  
**

_“I am, deadly serious...pun completely intended! That is my one condition, Rey. He accompanies you. He said if you are not happy with the finished piece then he won’t publish it. I mean, the only way I could get him to go was to say he could write about the whole thing...but that isn’t the point!” Maz shook her head, mumbling on._ **  
**

_“So, let me get this straight. He doesn’t even want to go?” Rey’s voice was becoming slightly more raised and she tried to calm herself down._ **  
**

_Her excitement about her trip and the thought of meeting her birth parents had turned into a nightmare; how was she to ever travel to the other side of the world with Ben Solo in tow? He’d more than likely complain the entire time, ruining Paris completely for her with his groaning. She always said he reminded her of Eeyore, his pessimistic view on life rivalling the small donkey from the children’s classic._ **  
**

_“Not really, but he is going with you and that is final. Plus, you never know...you two might actually get on. He might help you find the answers you seek.”_

_Rey rolled her eyes, ready to speak again before being interrupted by a nurse that was there to give Maz her next dose of medicine. She took a deep breath, standing back as the nurse poked and prodded at her adoptive mother. Rey would speak to Maz again, try and change her mind and if worse came to worse, she would get on a plane with Ben Solo and then ditch him at the airport. It would be easy enough, right?_ **  
**

 

* * *

 

Ben’s eyes were now open, the headphones removed from his ears as the air hostess asked him if he would like anything to drink. He ordered a red wine, because of course he did, asking them for some fancy shit that Rey and everyone else on the plane knew they would never have. **  
**

 

She glared at him from her seat, hoping that as soon as they landed in Paris she could make a run for it. It was a large city and she doubted he would be able to find her. She could be rather sneaky like that.

“Rey, do you want anything?” Ben asked her, ignoring her glare altogether.

“Just a water, please.” She smiled at the woman who handed her a cold bottle of water, but not before pushing her large breasts in Ben Solo’s face as she leaned over. Rey rolled her eyes, because of course, it was as if this shit show couldn’t get any worse. Ben, to be fair to him, wasn’t interested, and instead looked the other way, pretending to look at something out of the plane window. He wasn’t a creep, she would give him that.  **  
**

“Thanks,” Rey muttered as Ben pulled out his wallet and quickly paid for both the drinks, still ignoring the other woman standing in front of them.

Ben was being nice to her, _too nice_ and it was unsettling. He’d kept tabs on her since Maz died, most of the time going to see her at Maz’s shop on Leia’s behalf, then of course, Leia herself had Rey up for dinner every second Sunday. Which in all honesty, Rey was thankful for. It supplied her with a small semblance of family life, dysfunctional as they were.   **  
**

Any time she was over for dinner, she could see the Solo family watching her intently from the corner of her eye, waiting to see if she would break. She hadn’t, not yet at least. Her emotions over Maz’s passing were more complicated than that, and most of the time she tried her hardest to bury them. Leia still phoned her most days, which was also nice, reminiscing about times spent with Maz. It was sometimes hard to hear and on those days, those were the ones where she screened her calls, unable to face what had happened. **  
**

“How are you feeling, Rey?” Ben asked her, pulling her away from her thoughts about Maz. His voice was deep, rough, with a slight edge to it that gave away his fear about how she would answer. Ben Solo didn’t really do the whole emotions things. Sure, he asked her how she was, but Rey knew it was only because he saw it as the polite thing to do, not because he actually wanted to know. **  
**

“Fine. I just want to find my family. I know they are out there and I can only hope that they are missing me as much as I have missed them over the years.” Rey smiled, images of being reunited with faceless people entering her mind. Their reunion would be sweet, all of them crying as they embraced the daughter they never wanted to give up in the first place.  **  
**

Ben’s eyes hardened and she waited for his response, his jaw clicking before he finally replied, “What if you don’t find them?”  **  
**

“I will.” **  
**

“Okay, what if you do find them and they send you away?”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know that?” he asked, and for once he looked like he was genuinely curious to hear her answer. Which, if he wasn’t pissing her off so much, she would have answered much nicer than she did.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m their daughter?” she said sarcastically, “They had a good reason for giving me up, you’ll see.”

He huffed, taking a sip of his red wine and screwing up his face, obviously unhappy with the taste. “Maybe. But I think also, you need to be prepared for the fact that maybe they didn’t and maybe they’re just shitty parents who don’t deserve you. I know that’s tough to hear, but I think you should go into this with a more open mind.”

“Good thing I didn't ask for your opinion then, isn’t it? How about you just stick to your stupid story and I’ll focus on reuniting with my parents. Okay?”

He didn’t seem taken aback by her outrage; in fact, he looked as though he had expected it. Which only made her feel instantly worse. He just nodded, not saying a thing as he put his headphones back in and looking forward, their conversation effectively over.

Rey turned back around to stare out the window again, not feeling great at how she had handled his questioning, but deciding it was his fault just as much as hers. She knew he didn’t want to be here, that this probably seemed like a chore to him; having to travel with a person he barely tolerated. She didn’t know what Maz had been thinking, but hoped she knew something about this whole thing that Rey didn’t.

Because right now, not two hours into their journey, Rey Kanata had had enough of Ben Solo.

  



	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey spend time together in the city of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying this, Ruby. I have been enjoying everything going on in The Den and know that I am always watching.
> 
> Love to my beta for her help on this.
> 
> <3

**Chapter Two**

It turned out that escaping Ben Solo at the airport wasn’t going to work, based on the fact that he was glued to her side the entire time, like he’d known what she had planned. Which in turn, only made Rey even angrier. She didn’t need a babysitter, especially one who was so damn tall, and annoying and…handsome. She hated herself for even thinking it, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t notice it. And she wasn’t the only one; people they passed at the airport did constant double takes as they walked through. Ben, of course, was completely oblivious. So at least he wasn’t a complete asshole. He was even carrying her bags, which was nice, really, but again, annoying. 

“I can take my own bag, you know.”  **  
**

He looked at her in response and rolled his eyes, refusing to even answer as he continued to carry all of the luggage. He clearly wasn’t going to entertain the thought of her carrying it herself, which was gentlemanly, but she didn’t need looking after. Especially by him. Maz had clearly thought she did and she wanted to prove her and everyone wrong. She admitted  she had been lucky enough to always have her adoptive mother to look after her, and now that she was alone, she needed to be able to find her own two feet. **  
**

“I mean it, you don’t need to haul everything, I can help,” she said, and reached out to take her bag off his shoulder, when he quickly shuffled away. **  
**

“I’ve got it, Rey. You focus on getting us a taxi and I’ll get the stuff. It’s no problem.”  **  
**

Irritating. Annoying. Stubborn. Gorgeous. That was Ben Solo in a nutshell. **  
**

Rey huffed, knowing that he wasn’t going to give in and instead, she did as he said, hailing a cab from outside the airport to take them to the hotel. She had paid a little more than she normally would for her room on this trip. Maz had told her to go all out, to have the trip of a lifetime, and she was going to do her proud. Normally, she would have been happy staying in a hostel, but Ben had reminded her of Maz’s wishes when they’d booked the trip, and instead they were pulling up to a fancy hotel not far from the Champs-Élysées. **  
**

Rey’s first impression of Paris was that it was magical. As soon as she had felt the hot air hit her as she exited the airport, she could only describe the feeling inside of her as one of complete and utter awe. She didn’t speak in the taxi, instead too focused on the beautiful buildings that they passed by. Before coming, she’d read up on Paris and knew exactly what famous sights she wanted to see while she was here. The Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, to stroll the banks of the Seine and stare at the beautiful Notre Dame cathedral, reminding her of her favorite Disney movie.  **  
**

She’d watched Charade before she had left, getting her in the mood for her new adventure to Paris. Maz had made her watch old movies while growing up, and while at the time she had  acted like she didn’t want to, it turned out that she absolutely loved them. Especially any that had Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in them. 

So, it was only fair that Charade had a special place in her heart. However, watching it had been hard; she could almost hear Maz commenting on the beauty of Paris, on the way that Cary looked at Audrey. She’d cried, tears of sadness, but also tears of joy. And now, here she was, in the city of love. **  
**

Rey followed Ben out of the taxi and stopped mid step when she heard him speak fluent French to the driver, handing him over some euros to cover the fare. **  
**

“You speak French?” she asked, wondering why he hadn’t mentioned the fact. 

“Oui,” he replied cheekily, a smile on his face. 

“When did you learn?”

“When I found out we were coming on this trip,” he said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

_ Of course he did.  _

“Thanks for telling me.” 

“I didn’t know I was supposed to. What was it you said again after we booked up, something about not wanting to hear from me until I met you on the runway at the airport?” 

She swallowed; it did sound familiar and completely like something she would say. She could admit that it sounded harsh out of context, but what he was missing from this little story was the fact that he had argued on every single decision she had made, his snobbery apparent when nothing was good enough for him. Any time he had disagreed, she would hit back with a reminder that he didn’t actually need to come on the trip. Of course, he would talk over her and start looking at the next place they were going. He didn’t like talking about it, that much was obvious. 

“In all fairness, I meant it,” she smiled sweetly, giving him a toothy grin. “Still, I feel a little behind. I don’t really know any French…”

“You need a teacher,” he said quickly, opening the trunk of the car to pull out their luggage.

“Maybe I’ll get one once we get back to the States,” she joked, reaching over to pick her own bag up, but not being quick enough as Ben beat her to it.

“Bit late, but whatever you want, Rey.” 

He walked away, making his way into the hotel and effectively ending their conversation. She stopped in her tracks, taken aback by how softly he had uttered the words, so unlike him. He was being nice to her,  _ too nice, _ and it was throwing her off balance. She didn’t want to like him. She didn’t want to focus on anything but the search for her family. 

A loud honk from a car passing by knocked her out of her reverie and she shook her head. She needed to stop obsessing about Ben Solo. She needed to stay away from him, only interacting when needed. 

It wasn’t even a day into their journey and he was already getting under her skin.

* * *

****  
  


“You’re joking. This is all one big prank, isn’t it?” she asked Ben, tapping her foot on the ground as she waited for the other shoe to drop.

“Nope. Apparently, there was some sort of mix up, so…yeah, this is our room.” He opened the door, motioning for Rey to go in first.  **  
**

She wanted to scream. This wasn’t a mix up, it was a complete and colossal _ fuck up _ . There was no way she could stay in Paris and live in the same room as Ben Solo. She refused. No. It wasn’t happening. **  
**

“Go and get another room. This is mine,” she said quickly, pulling the bag off of Ben’s shoulder and dropping it on the large bed in the middle of the room. **  
**

“You don’t think I tried that? I don’t exactly want to room with you either, sweetheart.”  **  
**

She hated when he called her that. Not that he did it a lot, but sometimes, it slipped. The endearment that felt like anything but.  **  
**

“What did I say about that?” **  
**

“That you loved it?” he deadpanned, walking over and placing his bag next to hers on the bed, staking his claim. **  
**

“Go to another hotel, then.” **  
**

“Nope. I am here and you are here, and that’s it. Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he said and winked, which of course only riled her even further. **  
**

“Hilarious. And I am not worried about you, um,  _ biting _ , I’m more worried about you annoying me and then I’ll smother you in your sleep. Because, before I kill you, I really need to find my parents.”  **  
**

He laughed, out loud and hard enough that his broad shoulders started to shake. Her threat had had the opposite effect, but she still couldn’t stop the small smile that broke out on her face. It wasn’t the best situation, but she would have to make do. Besides, like she said, if he annoyed her too much, smothering was definitely an option. **  
**

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay on my side of the bed and you can stay on yours. Look, it’s big enough we can even have a pillow fortress in the middle.” 

Ben moved and started arranging the extra pillows so there was now a line of them down the middle of the bed. Again with the whole gentlemanly thing, though she had to wonder why he didn’t offer to sleep on the couch. 

“Fine, but if you even put one toe over that line, Solo, so help me God.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,  _ sweetheart _ .” 

Her ‘stay away from Ben Solo’ thing was turning out to be a complete and utter disaster.

* * *

****  
  


“Okay, so apparently they used to own this bar, somewhere down this street.” Rey pointed as they walked in the direction that google maps had sent them. **  
**

After getting unpacked at the hotel, they’d decided to start their adventure straight away, stopping for some lunch along the way. It was nice, as much as she hated to admit it, and Ben Solo speaking fluent French- well, it caused something inside her to ignite that she was finding harder and harder to ignore. **  
**

Ben was just so different here, lighter than she remembered him being. Anytime before, he had always seemed too reserved, like he wasn’t interested in anything or anyone. But right now, he was in his element, enjoying all the sights that the beautiful city had to offer. 

“What if they’re there? Your parents?” he asked softly, grabbing onto her arm to stop her. 

She wasn’t sure how to answer. She hadn’t actually thought about what she would do when she was them. Instead, she had been too busy thinking about him, about this city and how much she wished she could have explored it with Maz at her side. What would she say to the people that had given her up? Would they know her as soon as they saw her? Bring her into their arms and ask for forgiveness for leaving her behind? She didn’t know. 

“I don’t know. I guess, we will have to see…” She smiled, though it hadn’t been as convincing as she would have liked. 

“Remember what I said, Rey. This might not go the way you think.”

She rolled her eyes, his pessimism about the entire situation hard to ignore. She knew that he didn’t have the best of relationships with his parents, Maz had told her as much. And sometimes it felt like he was trying to project his feelings onto her. **  
**

“Stop being a Debbie downer, Ben Solo. Your ‘what ifs’ are exhausting and frankly, not needed.”  **  
**

The coldness that she usually felt between them settled, bringing her quickly back to reality and reminding her that just because she was in a city that showcased romance, it didn’t mean that she had to go and fall for Ben Solo.  **  
**

“I’m just preparing you. I know you don’t want to hear it-”

“No, I don’t,” she said quickly, cutting him off as she pulled out of his grasp and continued to walk down the cobbled street to her destination.

She heard him swear behind her, then jog the few steps he needed to so he caught up with her. She ignored him for the rest of the walk, not wanting to have to deal with any more of his questioning. The thing was, he was hitting a nerve, an insecurity she felt so deep that she could barely handle to look at it.  **  
**

After a few minutes, they had made it and she looked  at the small bar with a few tables and chairs sitting outside. It was open, but not busy, probably because it was only two in the afternoon and a weekday. It looked cozy, like somewhere she would hang out if she lived here. It felt a little like a home away from home and it filled her with a warmness at first glance that she’d never thought possible.

Rey took a few deep breaths, unable to move the few extra steps to open the door and make her way inside. This could change everything- she could be on the verge of finally finding her family and she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel. Sick was the only word that came to immediate mind. Her nerves getting the better of her and she felt the saliva pool in her mouth. The sun was too strong, her head spinning as she stumbled on her feet. But before the inevitable fall, she found herself in the warm arms of the man that infuriated her beyond belief. **  
**

“I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’m here,” he murmured softly,  one hand on the nape of her neck as the other held her waist.

He was all she could feel, grounding her and helping her through the fact she felt like she was about to keel over. Instead, all she could smell was him; a heady mix of something was just completely Ben. She felt better, enjoying how he rubbed small circles on her lower back, his dark eyes staring into her own. **  
**

“You’re okay. You got this. No matter what, Rey, I am here. You know they would be idiots not to love you, right?” he said, not looking away. **  
**

“You’re just saying that,” she replied, her hands now holding onto his arms, steadying herself.  **  
**

To anyone walking past, they would look like two lovers embracing and she was all too aware of the fact. She briefly wondered how they fit together; would people think them a handsome couple, well suited? Not that it mattered, but it didn’t hurt to think.  **  
**

“I’m not. Maz was so proud of you, loved you more than anything. Even if whoever is on that other side of the door doesn’t see it, just know that you are loved.” 

His hand fell from her neck to wipe a tear she hadn’t even realized was falling, his large finger lingering on her face as he caressed it gently. She’d felt adrift only seconds ago, but he was her anchor, holding her stead against the waves of uncertainty **  
**

“Thank you, Ben. I’m sorry for before, I-” **  
**

“No, no apology needed. Let’s do this, together.” **  
**

He pulled back but held out his hand for her to join him and she quickly accepted, taking another deep breath as they started to walk to the open door.  **  
**

It took her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness of the small bar, her hand still entwined with Ben’s as she held on for dear life. She quickly looked around, finding the place empty except for a young man who stood behind the bar, cleaning the counter.  **  
**

“Bonjour, puis-je vous aider?” the man said, a massive smile on his face.  **  
**

“He’s asking if he can help us. Do you want me to translate?” Ben whispered in her ear. **  
**

“Oh, you speak English?” the man asked, both of them surprised that he had understood what they were saying.  **  
**

“Yes. I’m Rey Kanata and I’m looking for my birth parents.”  **  
**

It was now or never. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Bed-sharing is my new kink.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this, I absolutely LOVE this fic, and I want to do the story and Rey justice. I hope you are still reading.
> 
> Thank you to my gorg friend and beta [MidnightBlueFox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightbluefox/pseuds/midnightbluefox) who helps me so damn much. WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?
> 
> Hope you enjoy...especially you, Ruby <3

**Chapter Three**

****

It turned out, now or never was harder than Rey thought. She was still waiting for the man behind the bar to answer her and her nerves had Rey rocking back and forth on her feet, wringing her hands together to find  _ something _ to focus on. Ben noticed this, clearly, from the way he leaned over and took her hand in his, giving it a small squeeze. 

If she wasn’t currently in the middle of a life-altering experience, she would probably comment that it was sweet of him. That in fact, he had been incredibly kind, supportive, and just lovely this entire time. Which was slightly throwing her off-kilter. But, she couldn’t focus on Ben Solo and his softness right now; she needed answers. 

“Your birth parents?” the man finally answered and stopped cleaning the bar, the confusion evident on his face. 

“Yes, I, um—this is weird.” She took a breath. “They own this bar, or used to own it. I’m not sure. This is all the information I have—um, so, yeah.”

She was stuttering, unsure exactly of who this man was. He could be her brother for all she knew, way too young to be her father. And there was a resemblance there; he was dark, tanned...familiar. 

“Well, I own this bar with my partner, Finn. I’m Poe. Not your parent, I’m afraid, but, I think I know who you are talking about.” He looked around him, then shouted for the man, Finn. “Take a seat. Do you want something to drink?”

“A large vodka and coke, please.”

“A beer for me,” Ben said from next to her. 

“It’s on me, go sit in that booth over there and um, I’ll be over soon.”

The man looked nervous, which of course only made Rey even more apprehensive. Ben still hadn’t let go of her hand and he softly pulled her over to the booth that Poe had pointed out. 

“Are you okay; you look as white as a ghost?”

Rey peered up to look at him, the worry evident on his strong face. It was soothing, especially when he took her hand in his again and rubbed it gently. 

“I’m fine. I think the fact you’re being so, not like you, is putting me off. Since when do we hold hands?” Rey wanted it to come out with a lot more venom than it did. Instead, it sounded almost pitiful, backed up by the fact that when he went to pull away, she gripped onto him even tighter, needing him. 

“Since when do we travel the world together?” His response was immediate, fully charged as he put his other hand over their enclosed fingers. 

“It seems we’re trying new things, then.”

“I kind of like it,” he whispered, a slight smile playing on his full lips. 

“I’ll let you know in five minutes if I do,” she joked back, just in time for Poe and his partner to walk over, drinks in hand. 

“I’m Finn, this lovely one’s other half and also part owner of the bar.”

Rey looked at Finn, he was a similar height to his partner and he seemed almost nervous, not really knowing where to look.

“I’m Rey and this is Ben, and we are, well, on a mission to find my birth parents. As weird as that is.” She shrugged; it wasn’t exactly an easy subject to broach, something she had never really spoken to anyone about, except Maz, of course. 

“Would you believe us if we said it’s not the weirdest thing we have ever heard in this bar?” Finn smiled, sitting next to Poe in the booth across from Rey and Ben.

He seemed nice, and it made Rey feel a little better. Ben was still stuck to her side, his hands not moving from her to pick up his drink or take out his notebook. She had guessed he would be taking down notes for his book or something, but instead, all he seemed interested in was her. 

“Probably not. Especially in France,” Rey laughed. 

“Indeed; the French are wild and we love it,” Poe replied, picking up his drink and taking a small sip. “So, have you and your boyfriend been here before?”

Rey almost choked, and quickly their hands were apart, both of them picking up their drinks and taking a large gulp. 

“Oh, we’re not—”

“She isn’t, um—”

They said it at the same time and Rey could feel the blush creeping onto her cheeks. Sure, it made sense it would look that way. But the thought of Ben Solo and her  _ together _ ...well, it would never happen. For one, he did not and would  _ never _ see her that way. And secondly, she wasn’t into him like that. Sure, she noticed things about him and thought about him...and had maybe touched herself thinking about his big hands on occasion...but yeah, nope, not compatible. 

“I just assumed, sorry, the hand holding and—well, now I’ve made it awkward.” Poe pushed his hand through his hair nervously. 

“We’re friends, family friends. I wanted to come with Rey to help her out, so she wasn’t doing this alone,” Ben explained, a strained smile on his face. 

“And for your book,” Rey added. 

“Yeah, for that too.” 

“Book?” Finn asked, raising his eyebrow like he didn’t exactly believe what they were saying. 

“Ben is a writer and when my mom asked him to go with me, he would only come on the condition he could write about it.”

It was Ben’s turn to be embarrassed, the tip of his ear that was sticking out under his hair turning an adorable pink colour. 

“Is that what he told you?” Finn asked, his eyes sparkling as Ben spat his beer out over the table, making a mess. 

Rey was thoroughly confused, and it seemed like the conversation was moving away from where she needed it most. It was clear Poe could sense her confusion and he coughed.

“So, your birth parents. They owned this bar?”

“Yes. I believe so. Um, I was adopted young, never heard from them and well, this is all I have. Do you think you know them?” Her heart was beating out of her chest, the nervous feeling making her sweat. 

She looked around her; Ben was staring straight at her, of course, while Poe and Finn looked at each other, like they didn’t really know what to say. 

“We bought this bar a few years ago. Moved here for a gap year and loved it so much we stayed. There was a couple that owned it, they were pretty young, but old enough to have a daughter your age, I guess.” He stopped, taking another drink. “They, um, they were in a lot of debt, big drinkers, gamblers...we actually bought this from them for an amazingly cheap price to get them out of a hole.”

“Alcoholics? Great start.” Rey was trying to be strong, sarcastic...she wasn’t fooling anyone. 

Ben’s hand had now moved under the table, gripping her thigh, the heat from it taking her away momentarily from the information they had just shared. It was large, splayed out over her leg and she let herself get lost in the butterflies that were flapping their wings in her stomach. 

“They never mentioned a daughter, but, they, uh, had a son,” Poe continued slowly, letting Rey take everything in. 

A son. A brother. She had a brother. If this was even them. 

“Temiri; he was ten, I think. They were from the states...but said they were originally from London.”

It was them. London was where Rey was born. It had to be. The pieces of the puzzle started to come together. It seemed like they had issues, lots of them. Too many to look after a young girl, but not enough for them to stop them from having a second child, from keeping it and loving it. It hurt—painfully. The feeling of rejection and not being good enough washing over her again. 

“It’s them. Um, what did they say about the States?”

“Not much, just that they didn’t like it. That they wouldn’t go back. They were free spirits. Never really matured if you ask me. Temiri, he had it hard, they didn’t look after him properly, they didn’t look after themselves most of the time,” Poe whispered, trying to be as nice as possible. 

“I see. Well, I guess that answers a few things.”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Finn said, a quick nod of his head towards her. 

He didn’t need to be sorry. He hadn’t abandoned her, replaced her with someone else.

“Do you know where they went?” 

“Berlin. I think. We received a letter from them not long after they left. I can look it out, I’m sure it had a forwarding address on it,” Poe replied, then took another sip of his drink. 

It was a lot to process. A lot to think about and Rey’s head was spinning. She didn’t know what to do, how to proceed. Should she still look for them? And if she did, what would she find? That part scared her the most. 

“Thank you, that would be great.”

Ben was now rubbing small circles on her thigh, keeping her grounded, at ease. His eyes had never left her, his intense gaze trying to figure out how she felt. 

“Do you have their names?” she asked, her voice shaky as she did so. 

“Ben and Rey Kenobi.”

And that was the last thing she heard before everything went blank and she fainted where she sat. The only thing she could feel before completely passing out was the sharp squeeze on her thigh and the loud voice of Ben Solo shouting her name. 

 

* * *

 

“I’m fine; you really need to stop babying me, Solo.”

Rey was currently lying in bed, a cold compress on her head as Ben Solo paced back and forth, checking on her every few minutes like a mother hen. Sure, she had fainted a few hours ago. But could anyone really blame her?

“Oh sorry, I can’t help the fact we found out your parents had the same fucking names as us and it led to you being flat out on the floor in a bar in Paris. Like, excuse me for caring for one fucking second.”

He was on edge, clearly, and had all but carried her back to the hotel. Finn and Poe had apologised profusely after she finally came around. Not that it was their fault, it was just a lot of information in such a small space of time. The bar had been getting hotter and hotter by the minute and yeah, her body apparently couldn’t handle what had happened. 

“I appreciate you caring. I’m just saying, if I need the toilet, I really don’t need you to stand outside the door listening to me pee. That’s all,” she replied hotly. 

He really was ridiculous. Sweet. But ridiculous. 

“I wasn’t doing it to listen to you pee, which by the way, you pee very loudly. But more to make sure you didn’t fall down the pan!”

She laughed loudly, then even harder when he started along with her. He walked around the bed, lying down on his side and rolling onto his side to face her. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a shit liar, Rey.”

“I know. I just, I don’t know what to say.”

And she didn’t, she was still processing, trying to figure out what to do with what Poe had told her. Her whole life she had been so set on finding out about her parents and now the time had come she wasn’t sure she wanted to know anymore. She wasn’t sure she could handle it. 

“You’re strong, sweetheart. Please know that. You are more than your parents and if you ask me, you did a fine job without them...with Maz.”

He was gazing at her so intently, like he meant every single word that was coming out of his mouth. And it flooded her, completely. They had been together just over twenty-four hours and it was like he was a different person. The same, in the way he was brooding and snarky, but different. Kinder, softer, not all hard edges and long stares. He seemed like he genuinely cared.

“They didn’t want me, Ben,” she said, the sobs breaking through her voice. 

It didn’t take even ten seconds for him to readjust the pillows, separating them and taking her into his arms. His hold on her was tight as she cried into his chest, finally letting it all out. The fact that she had no Maz, no family, no one really...except him. He was here, actually here, and trying with everything he had in him to console her.

“They are idiots. And we don’t need to go any further. This journey can stop now, you just say the word, okay?” 

He pushed the hair out of her face, looking down at her and she was sure she could get lost in his eyes. They were dark and deep, an entryway to his soul. She hadn’t noticed before just how intense he was. How his eyes gave him away. Like right now, when he looked at her like he would move heaven and earth to make her feel better. It made her feel less alone, less shitty. 

“No. We finish this, okay?”

“Together?”

“Yes, together. But, as soon as this cuddle is over you fix those pillows, deal?” She was only half-joking, but really, these feelings she felt when she looked at him needed to stop and a barrier between them was definitely a good idea. 

“Can’t let a guy have five minutes can you?” He was smiling and it was blinding. Beautiful, full of hope. 

“No way. Maz taught me better than that.”

“Yes, she did. Though, I think if she saw this right now she would have a few things to say.”

Rey laughed, her head falling back as she cuddled further into him, enjoying his arms around her a little too much. 

“She would kill you, Ben Solo.”

They both laughed, doing impressions of Maz and how she would absolutely destroy Ben if he laid a hand on Rey. She was feeling better, more joyful, and the fact she had to meet Poe and Finn again tomorrow to get the letter was now out of her mind. 

They talked for a few hours, memories of Maz and of the different places they wanted to see in Paris. It was nice, it felt right, and it didn’t scare her as much as she thought it would. It was like Ben Solo abroad was more chilled, and she actually liked him. 

When the time came for them to sleep, Rey stretching and yawning loudly, Ben went to pick up the pillow to put it back in place. 

“Don’t, um—just, um—will you hold me tonight?” her voice was soft, almost a whisper. 

He leaned over, pushing all of the pillows onto the floor before turning out the light and getting into the bed next to her, his large, hot body pulling her close as he became the big spoon.

“Get some sleep, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she did and he didn’t. It was perfect. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS BEN EVEN WRITING A BOOK? Like, I don't know.
> 
> Please let me know what you think <3

**Author's Note:**

> Next stop is PARIS. The city of lurveeeeee. Which also, I want to mention the horrible fire of Notre Dame that happened this week and how saddened I am about it. I will be paying homage to it in this fic. This is going to be around five chapters and I hope you all enjoyed, especially you Ruby.
> 
> I would love to hear what you all think.
> 
> Thank you for reading this ficlet.


End file.
